Friday, 16 September 2011

Needing to 'Find Myself'.

Yesterday I was told by my sister, age 14, that her friend had split up with her 'long term' boyfriend. The excuse the boy gave for the breakup was that he needed to 'find himself'. The boy has not yet developed chin hair, yet he needs to 'find himself'. Sounds to me like someone's been eves-dropping on their parents conversations a little too much.

This short introduction was my way of instigating the revelence of the phrase in focus to my own life, though I felt mocking it would make it more okay for me to use it. Warning: This blog may contain cliche'd phrases, over-dramatic points and over the top ranting. Well hey, I'm a teenager, so get over it.

So. They say your teenage years are the best years of your life. In which case, why do I bother? Or, to quote Will from 'The Inbetweeners' (a personal idol of mine, as those who know me may notice): "They say your teenage years are the best days of your life. In my case, that would only be true if I went straight from school to prison, and then died".  (I did pre-warn you about the dramatisation). So what are these 'best' moments reffering to exactly? Heartache? Continuous exams? Combined judgement from peers, teachers, parents and ultimately yourself? And that's without mentioning the 'wanting freedom without responsibility, but getting responsibility without freedom' paradox. To apply another cliche'd line: IT'S JUST NOT FAIR!

How exactly do you get through all this? The one surefire way to solve teen angst (and mildly contribute to it) seems to be the following: Alcohol. Which raises a dilema when you have no money, no ID and the face of a 12 year old; so therefore no access to it. I remember my first taste of 'the good stuff'. Sitting on a local field, year 10, feeling too rebellious as my previous primary school teacher runs past with a wave. And I suppose it was down-hill from there really. Particularly when the teachers' running shorts left far too little to the imagination.

Anyway, this does all tie in with my opening paragraph. After a brief heartfelt conversation with the parents earlier; which, with my teenage hormones making me the emotional equivalent of a tsunami, is becoming quite commonplace. Overall it really hit home the importance of going to university, or just getting away from home. It will provide the chance for me to (here it comes): find myself. To study/do something that I love, and be someone that I love. Rather than occasionally be someone who resembles something quite cool and then drift back into my boring-self. Because it's difficult to be the 'you' that you want to be when the teenage 'you' you don't want to be hangs over you.

So there you are. An overly sentimental heartfelt blog. But again, i'm an emotional teenager, so get over it.

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